WELL, IT ECLIPSED MY EXPECTATIONS. . .
Twilight fans rejoice! And maybe regular people too! Twilight: Eclipse fleshes out to be a not-terrible movie for everyday audience members. Pent up sexual rage aside, by developing a few background characters (arguably more interesting than RoKriTay) and, I can't lie, choreographing a very well thought out fight scene, the third installment of the Stephenie Meyer series is . . . kinda . . . well done. I know, who'da thunk right?
Don't get me wrong, no one can quote me as saying it was a GOOD movie. The foremost thing I've always disliked about the Twilight series is that it's managed to sell porn in regular, non-ironic or discretely named theaters with a veil so thin that Ron Jeremy finds it distasteful. Just like it's predecessors, Eclipse will have you exhaling heavily while mouthing 'Ohmuhgodseriously?'. And the tension has only grown thicker; put these three hormone driven actors who are in a love triangle in a tent together and tell them to act like three hormone driven teenagers who are in a love triangle together? Watch the sparkles fly.
As I said before, the background characters are brought to the foreground a bit (not enough to over shadow whatever is making Kristen Stewart blink so damn much) and we learn to accept them for what they are; Intermissions. Their purpose is to give us a break from the respective sparkle-rod and red-rocket measuring that we've now put up with for at least six hours all together. And don't get me wrong, I don't mind the uncomfortable feeling I get when I hear the daughter of beloved childhood character Richie Cunningham talking all sexy like. What am I Mormon?
So, fellas, go see this movie with your lady, or A lady. . . Girl? Not terribly attractive roommate with whom there's always been tension but only from her side? Because you will get laid. It's a free ticket! memorize any one line in the movie, fall asleep, and when you get home say whatever it was and you're in. And seriously the action scene was pretty badass. Girls, you will love this movie. Like, omg love it. See it, go home, then write in your journal about how your boyfriend of three days totally said that one quote from the movie that made you give it up.
>B.S.
